The Ultimate Grilled Pizza:

Part 1: The Sauce

One of my fondest memories comes from eating one of the worst pizzas ever made. I remember as a child, my parents use to take me the drive-in movies. I'd get my blanket, my pillow, put on my jammies and off we'd go. I guess the idea was that, since it was going to be a late night, I could just crash in the back seat whenever I got tired. But it never worked out that way. I was always wide awake through both movies. In between movies, we'd play on the swings and the monkey bars. Then we'd run to the snack bar and get sodas and a pizza. Paper thin, greasy, floppy, cardboard tasting pizza. It was exquisite. This was back before those little plastic three pronged things were invented (patented in 1985, in case you were wondering) that they now put in the center of the pizza to keep the cardboard lid from sagging into the pizza cheese, thereby lifting half the cheese off the pizza when you opened the box. 

Pizza in my house is a two day project. Let me tell you, I take this stuff very seriously. A pizza pie is very simple in nature, but man, it's easy to crap it up. And, dammit, I don't do crappy.....well at least I try not to. So if it's gonna take two days, so be it. I usually make my sauce and get the dough started on day one. Then, on day two, it's just a matter prepping the toppings and baking it. And really, I make it sound like a huge endeavor but it isn't.   

We usually make pizzas when we have people over for an actual pizza party, so I like to get as much done the day before so I'm not spending too much time in the kitchen when everyone shows up. The dough recipe (next week's post) will make six personal sized pizzas, about 10" in diameter. But that's just a guess-timation because ours never turn out round. They're usually oblong, kidney shaped, or triangular and that's okay though because I think those odd shapes give the pizza character. And when it's time to start making the pizzas, I can get the guests involved in the process. Everyone has a different idea of their perfect pizza and this way they can pick exactly what they want on it. 

This sauce is a bit on the thicker side. It's not too thick but it's not runny either. I like it better that way because it doesn't run on your pizza and it helps to keep your crust crispy. You have to keep in mind that homemade pizzas don't cook quite the same way as pizzeria pizzas for the simple fact that your oven or grill can't really achieve the high temperature it takes to properly cook the pizza. But fret not, we're gonna get as close as we can with what we have. In the next post, we'll make the crust dough and finish the pizzas off. 

This recipe was inspired by this here. 

Pizza Sauce

Ingredients:

• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 1 cup white onion, 1/4 inch dice
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 15 oz. cans tomato sauce
• 1 6 oz can tomato paste
• 2 Tbsp parmesan cheese, grated
• 2 tsp dried basil
• 2 tsp dried oregano
• 2 tsp fennel seeds
• 1 tsp celery salt
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
• 2 bay leaves

Preparation: 

1. Heat the oil in a skillet over a medium high heat. Once shimmering, add the onion and saute for about two minutes. Now add the garlic and continue to saute for about 1 more minute until the onions are translucent and the garlic just begins to brown. Remove from heat 

2. In a medium sauce pan add the remaining ingredients. Place over a medium heat and add the onion and garlic mixture

3. Bring the sauce to a simmer and lower the heat to low. Cover and continue to simmer for about 20 minutes. Stir every few minutes or so make sure the sauce doesn't scorch at the bottom.

Serves 6-8

Chinese Orange Tofu:

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Chicken?

I guess there's some unwritten but well understood law which dictates that one cannot eat the same type of food two meals or even two days in a row. That's a rule I don't understand. Somehow I just missed the boat on that one. For example, if I go to a Mexican restaurant for lunch and get some tacos, I'll eat them and move on. Then, when dinner rolls around, I'll have no problem making enchiladas. My wife, on the other hand is a staunch champion of the unwritten law. She'll say, "Enchiladas?!! We just had Mexican for lunch!" I'll reply, "And your point is?" To which she'll respond, "You CAN'T have Mexican for lunch AND dinner!" I'll volley back with a "why not?" And her answer is always the same: "Because you just can't, that's why." 

I rarely feel that way. Especially about Chinese food. I could have it two or three days in a row and never think twice about. Well, not until I'm reminded of the law anyway. "Because you just can't. That's why." How can I argue with that?  

There is a Chinese food joint up the street from my house that my wife and I frequented for several years. The food was always amazing but the service was always horrid. It was pretty common for us to get our plates several minutes apart from each other and the only time our drinks were refilled was when we flagged down the waitress. Then one day, it happened. The quality of the food took a nosedive. It became consistently mediocre. It seems the cook that had made that wonderful food for so long was gone. On what great new adventure he had embarked upon was never learned by us. Oh well, I suppose all great things must come to and end.

However, back in it's heyday, when the food was still awesome and the service still sucked, we would often talk to the gals serving the food and try to get hints on what was in it (besides the obvoius, of course). We were always told that the chefs were very secretive of their recipes and techniques. When the wait staff would inquire about the ingredients, the chefs would clam up and would actually put their bodies in between the wait staff and the food so nobody could see what they were doing. They told us that the cooks had come here from China and had been trained in Chinese cooking for many years prior to their arrival. They claimed that the techniques were highly secretive and that nobody in the restaurant knew the "secrets" except the chefs. I always thought that was kind of cool but now that I think about it, maybe they were just messing with me. Hmmmm. 

We've since found another Chinese place a little further out but just as good. One of our favorite dishes there is Chinese Orange Tofu. It's basically crispy fried tofu tossed with broccoli in a somewhat spicy orange sauce. We get it every single time we go there. We can be creatures of habit when we find something we really like. But that's ok because every time I eat it, I'm just in Heaven. 

As many times as we've ordered it, I figured it was about time to figure out how I could make it myself. I'm sure there are some secrets from somewhere deep in China that I'll never be privy to, but that's ok, it'll be close if not better. Take that, super secret chef from China!

The crispy tofu portion of this recipe I found here at Serious Eats. Great site to peruse. 

Chinese Orange Tofu


Ingredients:

• 1 Tbsp salt
• 1 tub extra firm tofu
• 1 1/2 cups freshly squeezed orange juice
• 1/2 cup vegetable broth
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 2 Tbsp rice vinegar
• 2 Tbsp Chinese rice wine
• 2 Tbsp soy sauce
• 1 Tbsp fresh ginger, finely minced
• 2 cloves garlic, finely minced
• 3 Tbsp orange zest
• 2 tsp sesame oil
• 1/4 tsp white pepper
• 5 dried red peppers (think chiles de arbol or cayenne pepper), halved, seeded, stem removed
• 6 Tbsp cornstarch, divided
• 1 quart peanut oil (or other frying oil)
• 2 cups broccoli, cut into bite sized florets

Accompaniment: 

• white rice

Preparation:

1. In a medium saucepan, add the salt and about 6 cups of water and bring to a boil.  

2. Meanwhile, drain your tofu and cut widthwise into 3/4 inch thick slices. 

3. Place the tofu slices in a large bowl and cover with the boiling water. Let stand 30 seconds, then drain off the boiling water being careful not to break your tofu slices. 

4. Place tofu slices, side by side, on a towel or a few paper towels and cover with another towel or paper towels. If possible, place a cookie sheet on top of the layers and place a weight (maybe just a few pounds) on top of the cookie sheet. Let stand for 15 minutes. Tip: The idea here is to squeeze out any excess moisture in the towels. Tip: Be careful not to make the weight so heavy as to crush the tofu.  

5. In a medium sauce pan, add the next twelve ingredients up to and including the dried red peppers and stir to combine. 

6. Make a slurry with 3 Tbsp of the cornstarch and 2-3 Tbsp of cold water. Stir cornstarch slurry into the sauce mixture. 

7. Over a medium high heat, bring sauce mixture to a simmer, stirring frequently. Turn heat to low and continue to simmer until sauce has thickened, about 5 minutes. Pour the sauce into a bowl and set aside.  

7. Clean and dry the saucepan and add the peanut oil. Bring your oil to 350° F. Tip: Be careful not to go much higher, you don't want to burn your oil. 

8. While the oil is heating, cut your tofu slices into 3/4 inch cubes. Place tofu in a bowl and toss with the remaining cornstarch. 

9. Deep fry the tofu in two batches for approximately 4 minutes per batch and drain on paper towels to absorb excess oil. 

10. In a wok, heat a tablespoon of oil over a high heat until just smoking. Add the broccoli and stir fry until broccoli is just beginning to brown but still green and slightly crunchy, approximately 2-3 minutes. Now add the tofu and the sauce to the wok. Toss with the sauce to coat the tofu and broccoli, about 1 minute. Serve immediately.  

Servings: 4

Spaghetti Sauce:

Not Sketti Sauce

A good while back I watched an episode of Honey Boo Boo (don't judge) where the family made a rather interesting version of spaghetti sauce, affectionately referred to as "sketti". Based on what I was able to gather, the sauce is roughly 50% margarine and 50% ketchup. Any seasonings? Nope. Margarine and ketchup, only. Was it at least slowly simmered over a low heat to somehow hopefully and magically deepen or develop the flavors of the ketchup and margarine? Nope. Microwaved.   

(I'm not going to show you good people how to make sketti. So don't fret and stick with me here.)

Out of purely morbid curiosity, I made it. I know, I know, it's gross but I just had to find out. I knew it would be awful....but sometimes in life you just gotta make that call for yourself. It's like when your wife pulls some unidentified Tupperware container from the way, way back of the fridge with some leftover whatever, hailing from days of yore, and smells it. She recoils in disgust and says: "Ew!!! Gross!!! Here, smell this!!!". And you do. You know it's bad but you still smell it anyway. Why didn't you just learn vicariously from her obviously bad experience? After all, you did just witness her recoiling in disgust. Wasn't that enough? Apparently not.

So I made the sketti. Surprisingly, it wasn't what I was expecting at all, really. In fact, I was actually somewhat familiar with it. And it was exactly as it should be. It was surprisingly, yet logically, sweet and tangy. The richness of the margarine tones down the tang of ketchup and adds a certain undeniable balance that.......oh shut up, Justin! Nutshell? It reminds me of SpaghettiO's. Does it taste exactly like SpaghettiO's? No, but the first thought that came to my mind when I tasted it was that of those beloved little round O's from my childhood. I guess you could say it was "SpaghettiO-esque". That being said, there's a reason why I don't eat O's anymore: they taste like sketti. Learn vicariously my friends, don't try this at home.

What I have for you today is my own version of spaghetti sauce. Or pasta sauce, if you will. I know that's kind of a generic term that can mean a million things. But for me, growing up, spaghetti sauce was always synonymous with marinara. It was something that was always in the "mix" for an easy weekly dinner. And this goes back to before I can remember. For me, it's one of those comfort-type foods that is easy to make and it will usually please pretty much anyone.

I prefer my sauce kinda chunky. So I leave the veggies a little bit larger so they provide something to bite into when you get a taste. Not huge chunks but significant enough to create an identifiable bite. I love to bite down on that odd piece of bell pepper mixed in the sauce and think to myself: Damn! That bell pepper is amazing.

Hint: We put this over stuffed cheese manicotti tonight and it rocked.    

Vegetarian Spaghetti Sauce


Ingredients:

• 3 15 oz. cans tomato sauce
• 1 15 oz. can diced tomatoes, drained 
• 2/3 small can of tomato paste
• 1/4 cup red wine
• 1 Tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp dried basil leaves
• 1/2 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp dried rosemary
• 1/2 tsp fennel seeds
• 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
• 2 bay leaves
• salt and pepper to taste
• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 1/2 large bell pepper, diced
• 1/3 large onion, diced
• 4 garlic cloves

Preparation:

1. In a large dutch oven or pot, over a medium high heat, combine the first 10 ingredients (up to and including the bay leaves). Bring ingredients to a simmer, then reduce heat to low to maintain simmer. Season with salt and pepper to taste. 

2. In a medium skillet, heat the olive oil over a medium high heat. Add in the bell peppers and saute for 2-3 minutes. Then add the onions and continue to saute for about 2 more minutes. Finally, add the garlic and saute for another 2 minutes. 

3. Now add your sauteed veggies to the pot with the sauce. At this point taste and adjust your salt and pepper if necessary.  Let simmer for an additional 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. 

4. Serve over pasta of your choice.

Servings: 6

Buttermilk Ranch Dressing:

Simple and Delicious

I never was one to dip fries into ranch dressing. After all, I'm a card carrying ketchup fan (although that is slowly dying in me and for that I mourn). But there is a restaurant chain that I frequent that pretty much just brings ranch dressing with your fries and I gotta say, it's grown on me. And it's not like the kind you find in the bottle, which is fine I suppose, but the bottled ranch dressing never really grabbed me either. In fact, there isn't a bottled dressing out there that I truly love. I seem to have better luck making my own. 

With my new found love of fries dipped into ranch, I embarked on a mission to find a good ranch dressing recipe that would rival the ones I find in restaurants. And I did find one a while back that is really good, but in it's own "very tasty but not really authentic" kinda way. I do like it and I've used that recipe for a while now but it's more complicated than I think is necessary and it wasn't what I really wanted.  

Then a few weeks ago, my wife were out for a bit of lunch and the place we were eating at had a wedge salad on the menu. Now I know these things have been around for a while but some reason, I've never had one before. Why? I don't know, I just never did. I'm slow sometimes. Hell, I only realized three years ago that Led Zeppelin was a kickass band . So I ordered one of these things and I was instantly hooked.

I came home and searched online for recipes to make my own. Don't laugh. I get that it's pretty self explanatory by just looking at the thing but I looked anyway. I'm weird that way. But I'm glad I did because it inadvertently lead me to the inspiration for this recipe. 

I'm sure I don't have tell you that sometimes, simple is better, less is more, etc. And that is certainly the case here. This recipe is easy and quick and delicious.

This recipe was inspired by this one here.

Buttermilk Ranch Dressing


Ingredients: 

• 3/4 cup buttermilk
• 5 Tbsp sour cream
• 6 Tbsp mayonnaise
• 1 Tbsp chives, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• a few dashes of hot pepper sauce (such as Tabasco)
• salt and pepper to taste

Preparation: 

1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk until well combined. 

Makes about 1 1/2 cups  

Vegetarian Gravy:

Don't Worry, Carnivores...We Got This

Gravy. I absolutely love it. But it's not something I eat on a regular basis. For me, it's maybe two or three times a year. And most of that is consumed during the winter holiday season. That being said, when I do eat it, I do it with reckless abandon. Caloric value is of no concern to me when it comes to this stuff. I guess you could say I was livin' life in fat lane. Oops, typo there, I meant "fast" lane. 

Because gravy usually goes with some sort of meat based dish, it's rare to find one that is vegetable based. As such, it would appear that if we vegetarians want gravy, we have to look out for one another in this matter and create our own so we too can participate in all the holiday eatin'. My wife and I are, for the most part, the only vegetarians that we know. Fortunately, our friends and family are usually pretty accommodating when it comes to inviting us for dinner and we really do appreciate them for that. But we also don't feel it's right to expect them to do what they do. That being said, we're always prepared and happy to come armed with our own grub. So if mashed potatoes are on the menu, I don't mind whipping up my own gravy and bringing it along. Sounds weird, I know, but you gotta do what ya gotta do.     

Recently, we had the pleasure of getting together with my family to visit with some out-of-town relatives that we don't get to see too often. Lasagna was on the menu. My aunt actually made a separate lasagna dish with no meat just for my wife and I. She totally didn't have to do that but she did. My family are such thoughtful and wonderful people. 

Vegetarian gravy, conceptually, is really no different than meat gravy. Gravy, in and of itself, is basically a flavorful broth that's tightened up with a roux in order to give it that thickened consistency. The obvious intention, in both meat based and vegetable based gravies, is to make the broth taste good. For me, the best way to do that in a vegetarian version is to incorporate that "umami" essence within your broth. That's what is going to give it that hearty, almost meaty, feel to it. Our umami in this recipe comes from two sources: soy sauce and mushrooms. And that's enough for me. In my humble opinion, I don't think you need the Marmites and the nutritional yeasts to get it right. I prefer to keep it somewhat simple. 

Note: The three fresh herbs in this recipe can often be found together in one package labeled "poultry mix". 

Note: People differ in how thick or thin they like their gravy. If the roux doesn't thicken the gravy to your satisfaction, mix a tablespoon or two in an equal amount of cool water, enough to make a slurry (one part to one part). Whisk the slurry, little by little, into your hot simmering gravy until the desired thickness is achieved. You may not need to add all of it so add it slowly until it's just right. 

Vegetarian Gravy


Ingredients: 

• 3 Tbsp olive oil
• 10 ounces cremini mushrooms, sliced 
• 1/2 medium onion, chopped
• 1 shallot, chopped
• 3 garlic cloves, crushed
• 4 cups of vegetable stock
• 1 vegetable bouillon cube
• 1/2 tsp poultry seasoning
• 1/4 tsp white pepper
• 2 Tbsp soy sauce
• 1 cup water
• 2 sprig of fresh thyme
• 1 sprig of fresh rosemary
• 10 fresh sage leaves
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 stick of butter (1/2 cup)
• 1/3 cup flour

Preparation: 

1. In a dutch oven or heavy pot, heat the oil over a medium-high heat. Once oil is hot, add the mushrooms, onion, shallot, and garlic. Saute for 10-15 minutes until the vegetables are browned. 

2. Once the vegetables have browned, add in the vegetable stock and bring to a simmer. Now add the bouillon cube, poultry seasoning, white pepper, and soy sauce. Simmer on low for about 10 minutes.  

3. Now add the water, thyme, rosemary, sage. Season with salt and pepper to your taste and simmer on low for an additional 10 minutes. 

4. Remove the broth from the heat and strain through a sieve to remove all the solids. With the back of a wooden spoon, press the solids in the sieve to extract as much of the liquid that you can. Set the broth aside and discard the solids. 

5. To make the roux, put your dutch oven back on the burner over a medium heat. Add the butter and melt. Once melted, add the flour and stir constantly for about 1-2 minutes, being careful not let the roux burn.  

6. Now add you broth back into the dutch oven with the roux and whisk until fully incorporated. Bring the gravy back to a simmer. Let simmer for a few minutes to allow the gravy to fully thicken. 


Makes: 12 servings

Deep Fried Mushroom Po' Boy with Spicy Remoulade:

The Vegetarian Peacemaker

I have been wanting, nay, needing to make a Po' Boy for a while now. Back in my carnivore days, my wife and I took a trip to New Orleans for the Heritage Jazz Festival. We went there for the music and let me tell you, music is what we got. After the Jazz Fest ended each day, we had tickets to see shows at the various clubs around town. One show we bought tickets for started at 3:00 am. That's right, 3:00 am. It ended around 5:00 am so we hit Bourbon Street for a night cap. We rolled into our hotel at about 6:30 am for a few hours of sleep, then into the cab and off to the Jazz Fest to do it all over again. 

Being the natural born foodie that I am, trying the different foods and restaurants that New Orleans had to offer was, for me, equally as important as the festival. Some of the most amazing dishes that I've had in my life were eaten at that festival, the French Quarter and the various neighborhoods within the city. The combination of kick-ass music and food that was cooked with such passion made that city one of my favorites place on Earth. I feel this almost umbilical connection to the place. Man, I just got goose bumps. One this is for certain, I will return again someday.

Spending all day at the Jazz Festival sure did make a dude hungry. One of the many things I ate on our trip was a Po' Boy sandwich. As with many older dishes, there always seems to be debate as to how they actually came to be. One of the more popular and generally accepted versions goes like this. The sandwich was created, or at least named, by brothers Clovis and Bennie Martin in New Orleans in the late 1920's during a four month long union strike of the local streetcar workers. Having come from that line of work prior to opening their coffee shop, the Martins had much sympathy for the striking workers who were struggling to feed their families during this hard time. As a way of helping their former colleagues, the Martins decided to give free sandwiches to all the striking workers that came into the shop. Bennie Martin later said that when they would see a striking employee coming in, they would say "Here comes another Poor Boy". And the name just kinda stuck. 

As for the term The Peacemaker, or in French, La Mediatrice. That came from the Po' Boy's predecessor, which was basically the same type of sandwich. It was typically filled with fried oysters. It got it's name from the fact that husbands, returning home from a night of carousing and general debauchery, would often bring this sandwich home as a sort of peace offering in hopes that the lady of the house wouldn't bust them over the head. One thing I can tell you is that if I was out engaging in that sort of activity and had the balls to come home and give my wife a sandwich as retribution, I would have fried oysters up my nose as well as other choice bodily cavities. I could see it now. "Hey babe, I was out gettin' drunk and doin' hookers. Here's a sandwich."  My, times have changed. If it were only that easy. 

Although there are many different types of main fillings, it seems to me the more popular ones are that of little fried nuggets of goodness. If that's not entirely accurate, at the very least, it's the one I like best. That being said, that was the direction I have opted to take in this matter. The inspiration for this recipe was taken from a menu I recently saw for a local restaurant featuring a fried mushroom Po' Boy. I haven't been there yet so I cannot comment on it's greatness. But I was so immediately struck by excitement when I merely read the name, I just had to do it myself.  

This recipe is a combo of several found along the World Wide Web. The remoulade was adapted from this one. The fried mushrooms were adapted from this one. The assembly and additional fillings of the sandwich were taken from tradition.

TIP: The remoulade really benefits from time. You must let the sauce marry for a minimum of one hour. But if you can possibly let it set in the fridge for a day or two, it gets that much better.

TIP: As I have stated in other posts, my wife is "ooked out" by mushrooms. As much effort as I have invested in the endeavor of changing her mind, I have only has been met with staunch resistance. I have officially "rolled over" in this matter. No further efforts to convert her will be attempted. If this were The Spanish Inquisition, she'd have died honorably. As such, feel free to use other veggies. For her, I used medallions of zucchini. She loved it. I can also imagine broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, etc.   

Deep Fried Mushroom Po' Boy with Spicy Remoulade


Ingredients: 

Spicy Remoulade: 

• 1 cup mayonnaise
• 2 Tbsp Dijon Mustard
• 1 Tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 2 Tbsp sugar
• 1 Tbsp finely chopped flat leaf parsley
• 1 Tbsp Louisiana-style hot sauce
• 2 tsp Creole mustard (or whole grain mustard if you can't find Creole)
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 Tbsp capers, roughly chopped
• 1 tsp vegetarian Worcestershire sauce (like this one)
• 1 tsp paprika
• 2 scallions, finely chopped
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper

Deep Fried Mushrooms:

• 15 - 20 cremini mushrooms
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• 1 cup cool water
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp granulated garlic
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1 cup bread crumbs
• 1 quart peanut oil (or vegetable oil if you prefer)

For the sandwich:

• 1 French baguette
• 2-3 cup shredded romaine lettuce
• tomatoes, sliced

Preparation: 

1. Combine all remoulade ingredients in a bowl and mix thoroughly. 

2. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour to let the flavors marry. Ideally, let it sit overnight or longer. 

3. Wash the mushrooms under cool water then dry them over a clean towel. Then cut them into bite-sized pieces. If they are small, halve them and if they are large, quarter them. 

4. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, water, baking powder, salt, garlic, cayenne and black peppers. Stir batter until smooth.

5. In a separate medium bowl, add the bread crumbs. 

6. In an assembly line fashion, dip the mushrooms, one by one, into the batter. Then place the battered mushrooms into the breadcrumbs to coat. Finally, place the battered and breaded mushroom pieces onto a plate.

7. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a medium sized saucepan until it reaches a temp of 350° F. Don't go over that because you don't want to burn your oil. 

8. Add the pieces a few at a time to oil being careful not to overcrowd the pot. I usually do about 8-9 at a time. Let them fry for a period no longer than 2 minutes. If you fry them too much longer than that, the mushrooms themselves become mushy so keep at or below 2 minutes. Once done, drain them on paper towels to absorb the excess oil. 

9. Cut the baguette open and tear out a bit of the inner bread to create grooves in the top and bottom of the roll. Don't take out too much of the bread, you just want to take enough to cradle your fillings. 

10. Fill the roll with the tomato, lettuce, fried mushrooms, and top the mushrooms with the remoulade sauce. 

Makes: 4 sandwiches

Eggs Californian

Eggs Californian:

Not Eggs Benedict 

So I searched the net looking for this combination of ingredients and Eggs Californian was the match I found. Which totally sucks because really I wanted to call it Eggs Fuentes. Yes. Vanity is my prison. But alas, some other shbag named it before me. Shbag, you ask? Ok. Definition: Shbag - the second syllable of douchebag. You see, everyone says "douchebag" to describe an undesirable person. Personally, I find the term itself it rather undesirable. Hence, instead of calling someone a douche, which is both trashy and cliche, I choose to call them "shbags". Same thing, just cooler. It's a thing. You heard it here first. Spread the word. My hope is that 5 years from now some road-rager rolls down his window, shakes his fist at me and screams "You Shbag!!!" Then and only then will I know that I have truly accomplished something great. 

Eggs Californian is a derivation of the more common Eggs Benedict. As per Wikipedia, there are two conflicting stories behind the creation of this dish, Eggs Benedict in particular. Story A: Some shbag (see how it flows?) named Lemuel Benedict claimed that he had went into the Waldorf Hotel in 1894 hoping to find a cure for his morning hangover. So he ordered "buttered toast, poached eggs, crisp bacon, and a hooker of Hollandaise". A hooker of Hollandaise? What the Hell is that? Story B: This other shbag they called Pope Benedict XIII really dug this dish and he ordered it all the time. Kind of a lame story. Anticlimactic, as it were. (Am I gonna get Sinead O'Conner lash back on this post?...I hope not)

This recipe is an easy one. Everyone always says that Hollandaise is somewhat difficult to make. No it's not. It's easy. The only key is attention. If you just pay attention, you'll do well. And as with anything, you need a pinch desire. If you desire to do well, you will. Whether it's Eggs Benedict, Eggs Californian, or Eggs Fuentes, you gotta "love" it. If you don't, failure is eminent. If you do, success is almost unavoidable. So pay attention. Got it? Good.

The recipe for the Hollandaise sauce I stole from Tyler Florence. Most recipes for this sauce are pretty similar. Hollandaise is a simple sauce with few ingredients. So there's not too much room to move ingredient-wise. This one is straight forward and it's tasty. You can play around with adding a dash Worchestershire sauce, Tobasco, etc. But sometimes, simpler is better. I admit, many moons ago when I was first learning to cook, I used to overcomplicate recipes thinking it would add "complexity". Sometimes it worked. Most of the time, it didn't. So don't overcomplicate it. This is definitely one that doesn't need it.  

Most Eggs Benedict / Californian type dishes will call for English muffins as the bread of choice but a friend of mine told me she'd recently had it in a restaurant over focaccia. That really intrigued me so I used focaccia in this dish. However, I think the place I bought the bread from just used ciabatta dough and made focaccia from it. As a result, my wife, a.k.a The Royal Taster, pointed out to me that it was a little tough to cut through and didn't soak up the Hollandaise quite as well an English muffin would have. I had to agree with her. On the other hand, the focaccia did add a nice flavor element that the English muffin didn't. In the end, it's up to you. Both have their ups and downs. Or maybe I just need to find a better focaccia next time. 

Eggs Californian

Ingredients:

• 1 stick of unsalted butter, melted
• 4 eggs yolks
• 1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 1 tsp salt (or to taste)
• 1/4 tsp black pepper (or to taste)
• pinch of cayenne
• 1 1/2 Tbsp of white vinegar
• 4 eggs
• 1 avocado, peeled and sliced
• 4 (or more) slices of tomato (I like to use Romas which usually require 2 thin slices per muffin half)
• 2 English muffins OR 2 muffin-sized pieces of focaccia bread
• chives, for garnish (optional - I had them in my garden so I figured what the heck)  

Preparation: 

To make the sauce:

1. Place your butter in a bowl and microwave it for about 45 seconds until it's just melted. You don't want it boiling hot, just melted. 

2. Vigorously whisk the eggs yolks with the lemon juice in a stainless steel mixing bowl until the mixture is doubled in volume, about 3-4 minutes. 

3. Place the bowl with the egg mixture over a saucepan of barely simmering water. Make sure the bowl isn't touching the water as this will scramble your eggs. Continue to whisk the eggs rapidly being careful not to let the bowl get too hot, as again, your eggs will scramble. If you feel it's getting too hot, simply lift the bowl off the saucepan and allow to cool for a few seconds.

4. Slowly pour your butter into the egg mixture, a few tablespoons at a time, all the while continuing to whisk the mixture until it thickened and doubled in volume. Whisk in the salt, pepper, and cayenne. Keep warm until you're ready to serve. However, don't make the sauce too soon in advance. You really want to serve this sauce as soon as possible so poach your eggs, plate and serve immediately afterwards.

To poach the eggs:

1. To poach the eggs, I always just use the same simmering water that was used under the mixing bowl with the Hollandaise sauce. Add the vinegar to the water and stir gently to mix. You want to add your eggs as gently as possible to avoid excessive spreading of the whites. This is what the vinegar does, it helps to coagulate the whites quickly to minimize that. I strongly recommend placing each egg in a very small bowl and gently dropping them in one at a time as close to the water level as you can get it. I usually just dip the lip of the bowl right into the water and drop them in that way. You can then use a slotted spoon to very gently pull the white inwards toward the yolk if that helps. 

2. Let the eggs poach for 3 1/2 to 4 minutes but no longer. If you do, your yolks will harden and that won't be good. You want the whites cooked through but you want those yolks nice and runny. Use your slotted spoon to remove the eggs from the pot one at a time. You can very gently drop the eggs onto a paper towel to remove and discard the ugly bits of the whites.

3. Slice your English muffin or focaccia into two halves and toast. Place them on your plate and top with the avocado and tomato. Then place one poached egg on each half. Finally, drizzle your Hollandaise over the top and serve immediately.   

Serves: 2

Mushroom Stock:

Ever So Magical

Let me start this post with something corny. What did one mushroom say about the other mushroom?........"He's a fungi to be with."  Ba Dum Tshhhh!

Now get up off the floor from laughing so hard. Really. It wasn't that funny. What's the matter with you?

Mushrooms. What can I say about mushrooms....ummmm....they rock. Plain and simple. However, they are the subject of epic battles between my better half and I. She does not prefer them, to say the very, VERY least. In fact, "does not prefer" doesn't quite capture her true feelings about them. A better illustration might involve a photo of her (cute) crinkled nose, squinted eyes, her tongue hanging out, coupled with this sound: "Blechh!" However, for me, as a now vegetarian and former meat freak, the hearty flavor they impart always seems to satisfy that crave for something "meaty". I dunno, let's call it umami. Yeah, that's a good word for it. Hence, they're essential in filling that gap. But who am I kidding? I loved them as a meat eater as well. I'm no stranger to a mushroom burger, let me assure you. 

The more I distance myself from the world of prepackaged and processed foods, the more I enjoy exploring the world of scratch cooking. For example, you can use canned stock for any dish that calls for stock. And store-bought stock is fine, it'll get you there. But the problem with that is that you never really have a true understanding of your creation. I mean from the ground up. It's missing that extra little bit of love that the dish deserves. You see, each and every dish you make will soak in all the love you can give it. It'll add that element of freshness to your meal. Of personal satisfaction. A certain sense of accomplishment. And the best part of the whole thing is that all the love you put into it is only on loan. Trust me. At the dinner table, you'll get every bit of it back. I think McCartney said it best: "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". Not sure if he was talking about mushroom stock but, hey, stranger things have happened, right? 

This is my personal hybrid of about 20 different recipes. It's a great combo of all ingredients. However, as with any recipe, you should feel free to fool around with it all.  Especially the mushrooms. You may question why I only use button and crimini mushrooms (which I understand are basically the same vegetable). And that's valid. In this recipe I used a half and half combo of crimini and white button mushrooms. Why? First of all, I'm whimsical, unpredictable, and most desirably enigmatic. In fact, I'm downright irresistible. But you already knew this. And if, perchance, you didn't already know, read this post again, at which time you will have read this post already and, therefore, already know. What? I'm confusing me.

Secondly, I'm not a multi-millionaire. Let's face it, shrooms ain't cheap. You can get just where you need to be by using the common mushroom. If you want to add shiitake, portabella, porcini, enoki, oyster, morel, etc, by all means, go ahead. It's your thang. But to spend $20 bucks on two quarts of stock might be a bit pricey for most folk (such as myself). I like the $10 dollar range a tad bit better.

Mushroom Stock

Ingredients: 

• 3 Tbsp olive oil
• 2 medium carrots, peeled and diced
• 1 leek, halved lengthwise, rinsed, and sliced crosswise into 1-inch pieces (white and pale green parts only)
• 1 medium yellow onion, large dice
• 1 rib celery, chopped
• 6 clove garlic, crushed
• 2 pounds white/crimini mushrooms, quartered
• 6 Italian parsley sprigs, chopped
• ¼ cup fresh chives, chopped
• 3 sprigs fresh rosemary (2 tsp dried rosemary)
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 tsp black peppercorns
• 1 tsp salt
• ½ cup Marsala wine
• 12 cups water

Preparation:

1. Heat the oil in a large heavy bottomed pot over a medium heat until shimmering. Add the carrots, leek, onion, and celery. Stir frequently until onions and leeks are softened, about 8 minutes. Add the garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until fragrant, about 1 minute. 

2. Add the mushrooms, parsley, chives, rosemary, thyme, bay leaf, peppercorns and salt and cook, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms start to release some moisture, about 4 minutes. 

3. Add the Marsala and cook until evaporated, about 5 minutes. 

4. Add the water and bring to a boil. Drop the heat and simmer until the stock is reduced to 8 cups, approximately 1 hour to an 1 hour and 20 minutes. Strain the stock, preferably using a chinois. If not, line a strainer with cheese cloth and strain the liquid. Press the solids with large spoon to extract the final liquids / flavor. 

Yield: 8 cups