Chickpea Salad:

This Is A Mock-Free Zone

My wife was looking for a new recipe to try a few weeks back. She told me she missed tuna salad sandwiches so she did a search for "vegetarian tuna salad". After a little looking around online, she came up with a few recipes for "mock" tuna salad using chickpeas. Most of the recipes she found are very similar to tuna salad recipes. So, at first, we just made them the way we did in the past. Only now, we used chickpeas instead of tuna. It wasn't quite right at first and need just a little tweaking to get the flavor profile and the texture right but eventually we nailed it.   

I'll admit, I was pretty skeptical about this one at first but the more I imagined it my mind, the more it seemed to make sense. So I figured I'd give it a shot. She made me a sandwich and I'll be darned if it wasn't pretty tasty. It's easy to make, it goes together quickly, and it's somewhat versatile. You can eat it all on it's own. Or maybe on a bed of crisp lettuce and topped with some diced tomatoes. You can put a spoonful on a cracker or on a crostini. You can fill a pita pocket with it along with some sprouts, a few tomato slices and few cucumber slices or you can put it between two slices of bread. You could even make a "melt" with it. More about that later.

Although this recipe was found originally by searching for "vegetarian tuna sandwich". It's really not that at all. It's a proper chickpea salad. And it should be regarded as such. So no "mock" salad here. This is chickpea territory. 

Tip: To make the melt, heat a skillet over a medium heat. Butter two slices of bread on one side only. Place a slice of cheese (I recommend provolone) on one side of the bread making sure the butter side is down so it's the side touching the skillet when you cook it. Then spread a layer of the chickpea salad on top on the cheese. If you like a lot of cheese, put another layer of cheese over the chickpea layer then top with the other slice of buttered bread, again butter side out. Place in the skillet and let it cook until the bottom slice is golden and the cheese begins to melt, about 3 minutes. Then flip the sandwich over and allow the other side to get golden and to allow the cheese to fully melt. 

Chickpea Salad

Ingredients: 

• 1 15 oz can of chickpeas, drained
• 3 Tbsp celery, chopped fine
• 2 scallions, chopped fine
• 2 tsp capers minced + 1 tsp of the caper brine
• 2 tsp Dijon mustard
• 2 tsp vegetarian Worcestershire sauce (in a pinch, use soy sauce - but use the Worcestershire if possible)
• black pepper, to taste
• 1/4 to 1/2 cup mayonnaise, depending on your preference

For Sandwiches:

• 6 slice bread
• leaves of crispy lettuce (I prefer romaine or iceberg lettuce)
• tomato slices

Preparation:

1. Place the chickpeas into a food processor. Using the metal blade, pulse until the chickpeas are finely chopped but not pureed. It's up to you how chunky you want your salad. I like the chickpeas to be similar in size to rice.   
  

2. Remove the chopped chickpeas to a medium bowl. Add the remaining ingredients and mix with a spoon until fully incorporated. 

3. You take this recipe from here. Make sandwiches, make a melt, do with it what you will.  

Serves: 3 (if making sandwiches)

  

The Wedge Salad:

Simple Bliss 

Since having this salad for the first time about two months ago, I have come close to dying of hyper-wedge-salad-poisoning. Yes, I've had my life's share in a short period of time. I don't know what it is about this thing that has had such a profound effect on me, but it has. I love it when something so simple-stupid is the best thing you've had in ages. It keeps you on your toes and makes you remember that simplicity is sometimes divine.   

I'm sure it has something to do with the subtle (or maybe not so subtle) decadence of it. I'm mean this one has just the right combo of ingredients that I find appealing. You get the crunchiness of the iceberg lettuce, which is my favorite lettuce, by the way. And I don't care if it's throwback 70's or whatever. I love it. The meatiness of the shiitake mushrooms makes the salad feel more like a meal than starter. In fact, when I make it, it is a meal. I usually don't have anything with it but that's not to say a nice bean or veggie soup wouldn't go good along side. Then there is the crunchy-salty-tastiness of the fried onions that top this salad. I almost want to say they are the icing on the cake but we still haven't gotten to the dressing. The richness of the buttermilk ranch coupled with the sharpness of the blue cheese definitely pulls everything together.  

The last few blog entries here have been sort of leading up this post. They make up three of the components you'll find in this salad. You can probably buy a few of the them, such as the dressing and the fried onions, pre-made. But I can only suggest you don't do it. Make these from scratch. They are so much more fresh and flavorful. It's more effort, yes, but the payoff is truly incomparable. 

This part of the recipe is the easiest. It's the part where all the goodies come together as one. My suggestion is to include all the parts of this salad listed. It's the combo of them all that really sets this one off. 

Wedge Salad


Ingredients: 

• 1 head iceberg lettuce
• buttermilk ranch dressing
• 2-3 Roma (plum) tomatoes, cored and diced
• shiitake bacon
• 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese
• crispy fried onions
• 4 tsp fresh chives, chopped

Preparation: 

1. Cut your lettuce head in half. Remove the core from each side. Then cut the halves in half again to form 4 equal wedges. I actually like to cut the quarters in half again and place two wedges on each plate. So basically, you cut the head into eight wedges and each serving gets two wedges. I find this helps the toppings to stay put and not just roll off the top of the wedge and onto the plate. 

2. Top each serving of lettuce with ranch dressing. 

3. Then add your remaining toppings to your own taste. The order of ingredients above is the order I prefer to add them but it's up you. I find it keeps all the components visible and therefore aesthetically pleasing. It doesn't really matter, just make sure to get them all!

Servings: 4

Buttermilk Ranch Dressing:

Simple and Delicious

I never was one to dip fries into ranch dressing. After all, I'm a card carrying ketchup fan (although that is slowly dying in me and for that I mourn). But there is a restaurant chain that I frequent that pretty much just brings ranch dressing with your fries and I gotta say, it's grown on me. And it's not like the kind you find in the bottle, which is fine I suppose, but the bottled ranch dressing never really grabbed me either. In fact, there isn't a bottled dressing out there that I truly love. I seem to have better luck making my own. 

With my new found love of fries dipped into ranch, I embarked on a mission to find a good ranch dressing recipe that would rival the ones I find in restaurants. And I did find one a while back that is really good, but in it's own "very tasty but not really authentic" kinda way. I do like it and I've used that recipe for a while now but it's more complicated than I think is necessary and it wasn't what I really wanted.  

Then a few weeks ago, my wife were out for a bit of lunch and the place we were eating at had a wedge salad on the menu. Now I know these things have been around for a while but some reason, I've never had one before. Why? I don't know, I just never did. I'm slow sometimes. Hell, I only realized three years ago that Led Zeppelin was a kickass band . So I ordered one of these things and I was instantly hooked.

I came home and searched online for recipes to make my own. Don't laugh. I get that it's pretty self explanatory by just looking at the thing but I looked anyway. I'm weird that way. But I'm glad I did because it inadvertently lead me to the inspiration for this recipe. 

I'm sure I don't have tell you that sometimes, simple is better, less is more, etc. And that is certainly the case here. This recipe is easy and quick and delicious.

This recipe was inspired by this one here.

Buttermilk Ranch Dressing


Ingredients: 

• 3/4 cup buttermilk
• 5 Tbsp sour cream
• 6 Tbsp mayonnaise
• 1 Tbsp chives, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• a few dashes of hot pepper sauce (such as Tabasco)
• salt and pepper to taste

Preparation: 

1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk until well combined. 

Makes about 1 1/2 cups  

Thousand Island Dressing:

Time To Get Retro! (And Not Ironically)

One of my earliest memories in life was standing next to the apartment building I lived in with my folks many, many years ago in da' hood. I had a very small pocketful of Hot Wheel cars. I was happily playing by myself, building little roads in the dirt that I could "vrooom" my cars through. Before long, another little boy came appeared who also had some Hot Wheels. We played there together for what I remember to be ages. We were having such a grand time playing with our cars. Eventually he asked me how old I was. I remember holding up three fingers and expressing, quite enthusiastically, "I'm fwee!!". Please believe me. It wasn't shtick. I wasn't doing it to be cute. The harsh reality was that it was due to my pure inability, at the time, to negotiate proper tongue/lip movements coupled with my limited understanding of the English language. Give me a break, after all, I was only fwee.

I recall that we played for quite some time afterwards. In fact, we had become quite good friends. Inseparable, as it were. Well at least until later that day when he went back to wherever it was he came from. I never saw him again. Kinda sad actually but such is life. Funny how such an oddball and insignificant memory can stick with you for so many years.

It was a much simpler time back then. And so was the food. Your choices were not nearly as plentiful as they are now. It was a time when a salad was just a salad. There were no options. We didn't have arugula, endive, and radicchio. It was iceberg only, dude. And we liked it! Crap, I sound like an old geezer. My apologies. 

Now here I am, decades later, sitting at my computer writing about the wonders of iceberg lettuce. There's something about the crunchiness of it that I adore. It's refreshing. It's tangible. It's satisfying. Arugula? It's bitter. Fragile. Cowardly. It can't even hold it's own weight. It's so...pusillanimous (Google it). I bet iceberg used to beat arugula up in the school yard. It's better suited for a light vinaigrette made of olive oil and splash of lemon. Don't get me wrong, that's all well and good. But a good Thousand Island dressing would kill it dead just looking at it. 

Let me tell you, I find humor in the fact that I don't know anyone these days that would have a dinner party and serve their guests iceberg lettuce with big hunks of carrot, tomato, and onion in it. And, what's even funnier is that I don't know anyone who would serve that kind of salad with Thousand Island dressing. I mean really, it's just so.....uncivilized. 

There was a restaurant in my town that shall remain unnamed within this blog post. It closed down a number of years ago. There was a separate bar where you could go drink and then there was the adjoining dining room. We used to go in there for the happy hour once in a while because it did have a decent happy hour. And there were, admittedly, infrequent times when we would go eat dinner as well. There wasn't a window in the place. It was dark like a cave. The interior was like walking straight into the 1970's. Many years ago, it was considered a really nice place to go eat. And, to their credit, it was good. Dated, but good. Then one day, poof, it was closed. No warning, just gone.

Over the several years I'd been going to that place, I noticed one thing. The menu NEVER changed and the clientele NEVER changed either. As the years rolled by, their customers' hair got bluer and bluer and bluer, until it just couldn't get any bluer. And then they died. Then guess what happened. The place didn't have any more customers. There was no adaptation. No re-birth. No metamorphosis. They were in an evolutionary time-warp. And eventually, like the bluest of blue-hairs, it died too. Such is life.

One of my fondest memories of the place was the super old school salad bar. That's right. Iceberg only, dude! Big hunks of carrots, tomato, and onion. And, you guessed it, Thousand Island dressing. Where the modern diner shunned it, I embraced it. And not "ironically" either. But, alas, I just couldn't make up for the scores of long-since-gone blue hairs. I tried. But I failed.  

I reckon that someday, many, many years from now, my favorite restaurant will go out of business shortly after my soon to be beautiful head of gray hair (not blue) has been lain to rest, hopefully in some sort of fiery Viking style funeral. And my wife's blue hair (not gray) gets bluer as the days walk on by. But, again, such is life.....

In the meantime, if you are ever invited to my house for dinner. Don't be surprised if you get a bowl of iceberg only (dude), with a glop of Thousand Island on top. O.G. style. The upside? It'll be Thousand Island dressing, homemade with love.

There are occasions when I come across recipes that need no adjustments. This is one of those occasions. This dressing was found here. 

Thousand Island Dressing


Ingredients: 

• 1/2 garlic clove, minced
• 1/4 tsp of kosher salt
• 3/4 cup of prepared or homemade mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup of chili sauce
• 2 Tbsp ketchup
• 1 1/2 Tbsp minced onion
• 2 tsp sweet pickle relish
• 1/2 hard boiled egg, finely chopped (see note below)
• fresh ground black pepper, to taste

Preparation: 

1. Add all ingredients in a mixing bowl and combine thoroughly. 

2. Refrigerate for an hour or so to let the flavors meld. 

Makes About 1 1/2 cups

Note: This recipe should keep for about 5-7 days if stored refrigerated in an airtight container. If you want to make it last 2 weeks, leave the egg out. 

Charred Corn Salad with Basil, Onion, and Peppers:

Bringing My Grill Back

Corn.....What can I say about corn? Not a lot, unfortunately. I was trying to come up with something humorous to write but nothing really stuck out as funny. In fact, all my jokes were a bit too corny.....So I decided to abandon the "funny" angle. And not a moment too soon.

Instead, I decided to write about something that I miss about being a carnivore. Meat? Nope. I'm over it. I'm much happier with my vegetarianism. I relish it, really. That being said, the thing I miss about being a carnivore is the good ol' barbecue. Specifically, the atmosphere. The camaraderie. The dudes standing around the grill, sucking down cold ones, not saying anything particularly deep, burping and watching stuff burn on the grill while the girls sip wine spritzers in the shade and dish about cousin Sarah, the black sheep of the family, who, if you didn't already hear, is addicted to pain pills and bad boys. Ladies..stop that! Sarah may be a bit crazy but she's not an addict. (Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental)

Not really sure why I have avoided my barbecue this last year and half. I just did. Not that it was difficult, I just didn't really know what to do with it. Which is a bummer because I have this kick-ass professional series gas grill (don't judge) with 5 burners pumping out 60,000 BTU's of heat. She's sat on my back patio in a state of arrested decay. Kind of a limbo for grills. I've even considered letting the ivy overtake her like some sort of leafy coral reef. Reclaimed by Mother Nature. 

However, I recently had some family over for the 4th of July. The ivy was cut away as Mother Nature got to see how defiant her child really was. And the grill was fired up so the family could grill their grillables. In the midst of it all, I stood there and watched my old friend in her new found glory doing what she always did so well. She delighted the family as if she'd never been gone. And to them, she'd hadn't. It was me that she'd become estranged. 

That's when it struck me. This is bullshit! It's time to get back behind the grill. It's time to enjoy that patio time with the outside speakers playing my jams while I grill my own sort of grillables. And when the dudes aren't looking, have me a 32 ounce plastic cup of wine spritzer. Okay, maybe Sarah needs to get off the junk after all. It was all Billy Sr.'s fault anyway. And did you know that Billy Jr. isn't even his?........But I digress. (See disclaimer at the end of paragraph two)

It is with great pleasure (to myself) that I announce my return to the grill has commenced. Coincidentally, I might add, with baby steps. No forethought, it's just the way the proverbial ball has opted to bounce. 

My baby step comes in the form of a side dish. But let me tell you, although this is a side dish, I almost ate the whole thing by myself in one sitting after I made it. There's a small Tupperware container of it left in the fridge but I suspect it'll be gone in about 10 minutes. This recipe is based loosely upon the version found in Bon Appetit. Hope you dig it. 

Charred Corn Salad with Basil, Onions and Peppers


Ingredients: 

• 6 ears of corn, husked
• 5 Tbsp olive olive oil, divided
• 1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced
• 1/2 medium red or green bell pepper, diced
• 1 medium jalapeno pepper, finely diced 
• 1/2 cup, loosely packed fresh basil leaves, cut chiffonade
• 1/4 cup fresh lime juice
• 1 1/2 Tbsp fresh thyme, chopped
• Kosher salt
• Fresh ground pepper

Preparation: 

1. Heat your grill to a medium high heat. Rub corn with 2 Tbsp of the olive oil. 

2. Grill corn, turning frequently, until corn is charred and cooked through. 10 to 12 minutes.

3. Remove the corn from the grill and set aside for a half hour to cool completely. 

4. Once the corn has cooled, cut the kernels from the cob into a large bowl. 

5. In a colander, rinse the onion under cold water for about 10 to 20 seconds. This mellows it's effect on the dish. Drain well. 

6. To the bowl of corn, mix in the onion, the remaining 3 Tbsp of oil, bell peppers, jalapeno pepper, basil, lime juice, and thyme. 

7. Finally, season with salt and pepper to taste.

Note:

This dish can be served at room temperature or cold. It's fantastic it either way.